This is a quick summary of my story. It is along these lines.
A maintenance repair man and his assistant get a call to go and repair a pleasure specialist's sensory implant at the mall. They head into the mall and then locate the pleasure boutique. Meanwhile there is a hacker taking advantage of the tiered technology and it's engineered weaknesses. As the repair man starts working on the implant, the hacker full penetrates the woman's system and implants a bug. This bug makes here lose all control and she goes berserk. Throwing people and kicking ass. The maintenance man reaches into his bag and pulls out a gun to neutralize the danger. The woman sees this and knocks the man down and removes his gun. The gun falls short of the assistant, who then reaches for the gun. He stands up and tries to hold the pistol steady, but the adrenaline wont allow it. The woman turns and stares right at him, then she charges. The assistant dodges her charge. As see regains her balance the pistol is aimed directly at her forehead. The woman stares blankly at the pistol with no emotion to be detected. The assistant pulls the trigger. The force of the shot throws the infected woman through the store front window into a crowd of pedestrians.
You certainly are going for a vivid angle... surprised your boards didn't include a penetration cam angle. As for the story, there are a few vague/missing components to set up the scenario and the environments better. The boards themselves are hit and miss with telling a story clearly. Descriptive text helps when gaps in action or when the segways between frames is not clear. Boards need to be self-explanatory to some degree, and the resolution, lack of tone and text makes yours hard to follow. Could be an easy fix, but needed to be a piece to show as an addition to the portfolio and especially as an aid to your thoughts with your story. Take a scene in the boutique and one of the shots dealing with confrontation and develop paintings to best describe the nature of the spaces and the players involved. Like I am suggesting across the board with the other projects, put a name and character to the stories, spaces and plots...this helps guide the art and makes the process much more targeted and even easier. MG
ReplyDelete